Lance Armstrong- What a Dope!

Lance has taken quite a spill and chances are really good he won’t be getting up from the ground anytime soon.

It’s amazing how much wool this guy pulled over everyone’s eyes. Not sure there are any sheep left. And it’s great that his early tattlers now have major street cred.

It’s true the guy had cancer and beat it, but that’s the only thing he honestly ever beat.  He’s been totally stripped of his 7 Tour de France titles and banished from the NY and Boston marathon books, too.

The guy is just a cheat, along with lots of his biker buddies.

I used to watch the Tour de France amazed at these ironmen with legs of steel able to pedal to a medal. But, now the entire world knows it was all a fake. His pedal-power was fueled by just the right amount of steroids to become superman without showing up on a blood test.  This was one cagey biker.

In the PR profession we’d probably counsel Lance to lay low for a long time and then spend the rest of his life doing charity work.  Oh, wait a minute…Lance already has a charity!  And he didn’t do LIVESTRONG any favors by ruining his good name.  And that name is being erased from the sides of bikes, helmets, jerseys and energy bars (so I just made that one up) even as I blog.

What was he thinkin’? Guess is he just wanted to be a winner and was willing to do whatever it took to get him to the medal stand. What a dope!

Lance not only gave pro cycling a black eye, but he also spoiled the sport for all the weekend warriors who strap on their helmets and ride 10 or 20 miles.

If I were Lance?  I’d grow a beard, grab my passport and leave town for a long time. It’s time for Lance to ride into the sunset and never show his smug mug again.

Candid Camera

I could spend my whole blog talking about all the dumb comments Mitt Romney made at that fundraiser, but I’d rather talk about the fact that anyone in the public eye better get used to the possibility of “personal stuff” going viral at any time.

The ability to take a quick pic and send it out to the world is literally a click or two away.  Just ask topless Kate, strip-poker super stud Harry or bong-sucking Michael Phelps.  Anyone who’s a brand (even for 15 minutes) is fair game for the paparazzi or just about any random dude with a smart phone.

Think about it.  It could be a cell phone, a camera with a telephoto lens or the world’s smallest tape recorder.  You don’t have to be James Bond to have the latest gadgets on hand.

So what does this mean for the Royal and not so royal?  It means you shouldn’t be naked unless you’re in a locked bathroom, you shouldn’t be smoking dope unless you’re in a locked bathroom and, if you’re Mitt Romney, you should basically stay in a locked bathroom.

It also means that even if you’re John Doe in a crowd you better figure on hundreds of cell phones or cameras that could catch you doing something naughty and share the pic on Facebook or Twitter in a nanosecond.  So you should think twice about having that drink with your flirty client, or mooning the world from the top of a tourist bus.  Because it just might be the world that gets to see you in all your glory.

There was a guy the Today Show flew in from London who sent a rambling love letter to a woman he knew.  She sent it to all her friends who, in turn, sent it to all their friends.  Bottom line is that it became the love letter that went global and the guy made headlines.

Yes, there are some folks who love the presence of the camera and you can find most of them on Bravo!  But, the rest of us?  Yup, behind a locked door!

Disco Gets Balls

It’s about time Dancing with the Stars spiced up its season and opened its arms to the real way Americans dance. Not everyone is Ozzie and Harriet, and DWTS is taking a more open-minded stance by casting Chaz Bono, the transgender activist, as one of its tango-ers. And, yes, it takes two to tango so Chaz will be paired with a female dance pro.

Of course this is about ratings. Can’t you see the producers around a table fist-pumping each other when they came up with the idea of Chaz cha-cha-cha-ing? Cha-ching! They knew it was guaranteed to make headlines and boost ratings. And so far so good. Add Carson Kressley to the dance lineup and you’ve got a story with legs.

It also gave the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) a PR softball – the chance to say that Chaz and Carson have “created primetime firsts that reflect the growing acceptance of gay and transgender people in America today.”

But all was not completely kosher on the transgender front. TMZ reported that transgender athlete Thomas Beatie was beaten to the punch for a slot on the show by Chaz because the “transgender” spot was already taken. Oy!

Let’s look at a few of the other dancers – David Arquette, the gut-spilling, drink-swilling husband of Courteney Cox; Elisabetta Canalis, George Clooney’s ex who barely speaks English; and Nancy Grace, the tough-as-nails ex-prosecutor and TV star who wants to make her hair even “puffier” for the spotlight. I’d call that Grace under fire.

Here’s the $64,000 question: Why does this show make headlines to begin with?  I’m much more interested in the newest Food Network star than I am another Kardashian on camera. Answer — it’s August and the real storms have passed.

Daughter Goes Hollywood

What’s with all these Hollywood bosses?  Just because you make money young gives you
the right to send interns out for lattes and bottled water?  And god forbid the foam isn’t just right on
the latte!

How do I know this? 
My Ivy league daughter went straight from college to LA to become a TV
writer.  As part of her passage into
nutso-land she was screamed at by several producers when the salad dressing
wasn’t just so or there weren’t enough ground beans on the top of their latte
supremos.

We have interns here at zcomm and I can count on one hand
the times I’ve ever asked an intern to grab me a coffee.  And I’ve NEVER asked anyone to pick up my dry
cleaning or clean out the fridge.  I’d be
too embarrassed.

Don’t know if this is an east coast/west coast deal or just
a bunch of arrogant airheads with big bank accounts but low self esteem.

I would love the chance to call one or two of her former
bosses and let them have it, but as a PR “pro” I recognize that’s not the best
tactic to help my daughter climb the TV ladder.

Is it that drama is just part of the Hollywood scene or that
paying your dues in La La Land means sucking up to a bunch of egomaniacal wing
nuts?

I have a friend who says that money changes you.  It probably does.  But in Hollywood land, I’m guessing that the
power players are probably all 5’6” and under…unless they stand on their
wallets.  And when they stand on their
wallets, they feel tall enough to chew out anyone lower on the food chain.

OK…I’ve vented enough. 
Off to get my own coffee.

THE HANGOVER

I was really psyched to see this film.  My 23 yr. old daughter in Hollywood said she laughed so hard her jeans split and I really needed a good laugh.  Friends my age even said it was a kick.  Talk about word of mouth.

So, I bought tix online, went with friends and waited for the jokes to fly…and waited…and waited.

Do I like Brad Cooper?  You betcha.  Were the sight gags good?  Yup.  But when the credits ended and the flick was over I realized I never really laughed all that hard.  I tried to figure out why and realized that this newest comedy directed by an 18 yr. old was just a series of sight gags around a very thin plot.  And I def could have used more plot and less gagging.

My idea of a funny movie is Bachelor Party with Tom Hanks or one of the Vacation movies with Chevy Chase.  There’s more “there” there and those guys are really funny.

The four musketeers in Hangover are like four guys who shouldn’t be together in the first place and you don’t care much about.  Add a tiger in a bathroom and a few chickens, a naked Asian gay guy, a pissed off Mike Tyson and a saggy senior butt and I just gave away most of the story.

Do I like the new genre of comedies?  I really liked Forgetting Sarah
Marshall, so the answer is yes.  But, that had a beginning, middle and
an end.  The Hangover just gave me a slight headache and made me
resolve not to do shots ever again.